my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
