I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
