I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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