I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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