i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
