Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
