What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
