We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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