she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
