Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
