I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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