Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
