the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
