you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it glows. i had to have it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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