How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
