Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
