Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
