walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
