the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
