Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
