it wasn't lemon gatorade
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
