Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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