The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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