It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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