But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
