his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
