i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
