i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
