Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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