Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
