Don't you send me to vm
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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