nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
