i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Randomize
