If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
