Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
