Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
