We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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