I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
