I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
