She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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