So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
