How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
