I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
