My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
