My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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