Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
