so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We are two peas in an std pod
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
