I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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