wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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