I think I died a long time ago.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
