Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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