well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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