thus making me awesome and them whores
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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