Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
