highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
